You rocked back and forth, letting the breeze caress your hair.
Inhaling a lungful of evening spring air, you smiled.
A feeling of being watched dropped gently upon you, and you tilted your head slightly - it was either him, or someone you would not bother being accquainted with.
Footsteps approached you from the back, admist the chatter of the night market.
"You."
His accusing, deep and unforgettable voice.
"Why did you leave without telling?"
Hands were placed onto your arms, turning you around to face him.
Seung Ho looked relieved - so much that his attempt to look angry did not work out.
"I could not stay till morning, but I didn't want to wake you from your sleep."
That was the truth.
"I was worried."
"I'm sorry. I'll wake you... next time?"
His eyes sparkled at the mention of a possible second night with you, and a smirk formed on his face. "Whoever said there would be a next time?"
Pointing at yourself, you stuck your tongue out at him, then turning to where you were originally facing. "I want to visit the night market first, though."
"Let's go." He offered his hand.
Taking it, you paced towards the illuminated stalls of food and goods, feasting your eyes on the sparkly accessories, the huggable toys and the snacks.
"Seung Ho." You breathed, stopping at a certain stall in the middle of the road. "I want that."
"That white rabbit plush?"
You nodded, tugging on his hand with extra hope.
"Alright, alright. But you'll have to stay till morning if I buy that for you, okay?"
It was bittersweet how much he treated you like a child. As if your obedience could be earned in return for his actions. There were things that even you could not change.
"I can't, even if you do." You looked to the ground. "It's alright then."
A sigh. "No, I'll buy it. Wait here."
The rabbit stayed in your arms on throughout the drive back, listening to Seung Ho tell you about his day, listening to your giggles, his laughs, and seeing the many glances Seung Ho sent your way instead of keeping his eyes on the road.
There was no extra chitchat when you stepped into the house.
The rabbit was left in the living room to enjoy the soft rain that had begun fall.
As the gentle pitter patter resounded through the house, you moaned into Seung Ho's ear.
As you held urgently onto his body, he caressed yours.
"I must be crazy." He confessed after, when he lay down next to you. "To have you here in bed for two nights straight, and still not know your name, where you from. Or who you are."
Reaching out to stroke his cheek, you gave him a reassuring smile. "But you do. Or should I say, you did. Maybe you'll remember soon."
"Did I really forget you? I feel like I've seen you, but I know I haven't." He held your fingers to his lips, inhaling. "How could I ever forget someone so lovely?"
"Maybe you'll remember, soon."
Sunday, April 15, 2012
Friday, April 13, 2012
How Are You { second }
"Here we are." Seung Ho announced as he pulled into the driveway.
He owned a cozy little house outside the city, different from what you remembered. Stepping into the living room, you smiled at how homely it felt and immediately sank yourself into the sofa.
Seung Ho hung his keys by the entrance and leaned on the doorframe, amused at how quickly you adapted to his home. "I was about to say 'make yourself at home', but I guess I didn't have to."
Grinning at him, you pat the empty space next to you. "Tell me about you." He did not bother hiding the surprise on his face, but complied nonetheless.
"I'm a university student, studying majoring in music and minoring in acting. I work part-time at a computer shop down the road, I'm totally single and very available." He did a little bow, and joined you on the sofa as you giggled. "What about you? You won't tell me your name, what about where you're from?"
"It's a secret."
"Is it near, far?"
"A bit of both."
"You're from here, but moved away?"
Taking a few seconds to ponder, you settled on answering ambiguously. "Not really."
"Ahh, you're such a mysterious girl." He gave up, ruffling his hair in frustration.
Blinking, you touched his cheek. "You don't like it?"
"I love it." He breathed, moving his face so that your fingers were on his lips instead. They were soft and warm - just like you remembered. When you slid your thumb across his lower lid, he closed his eyes, resisting the urge to lean further into your touch.
"Seung Ho, what type of girls do you like?" You whispered, tracing from his lips to his ears, and then down his neck. "
"Mmm, I like many types of girls - but I can tell you which kind I don't like." He shivered when your fingers stopped moving, and reached out to pull you closer to him. With your body pressed against his, you could feel both your accelerated heartbeats. "I don't like girls who won't tell me their names."
You smiled, hoping it would not falter due to the amazingly short distance between your face and his and whispered "I thought you said you liked - no, loved - mysterious girls?"
Pushing himself forward just a little bit, the tip of his nose touched yours. "I do, but it doesn't change the fact that I want a proper name to call them by."
"What's wrong with not knowing their name?" You almost stuttered at the last word, it reminded you of how crazy Seung Ho made you - especially when he was this close to you.
"You know how there are times when you want to call out to someone? Perhaps to call them over, to stop them from leaving, to tell them how much they mean to you? I want to know your name, just in case." As his explaination ended, he closed his eyes and inhaled, letting a smile tug at his lips. "You smell nice. You smell like cherry blossoms."
"It's spring after all." You pointed out, yet smiling at the little things he noticed.
"Indeed it is." His breath tickled your lips, and it made every passing second harder to resist leaning forward to press them onto his. "And you know what they say, spring always brings about a new romance."
"Or perhaps an old one."
You bit your lip at the unintended reply.
"What do you mean?"
"Well, some things can be rekindled, right? Just like how the seasons go and come."
"Yes, I suppose that is one way to look at it." His voice then took on a slightly impatient tone. You know, I have to ask you to excuse me."
"Oh! Whatever for?" You moved back so he could move, but he caught you before you moved far.
"For this."
For the kiss he gave you.
The kiss that reminded you of a year ago.
Under the cherry blossom tree in the park.
The kiss that soon resulted into a pile of discarded clothes on the floor,
a tangle of familiar but new touches and scents,
many whispers of sweet nothings,
and his name,
but never yours,
because he should not remember.
He owned a cozy little house outside the city, different from what you remembered. Stepping into the living room, you smiled at how homely it felt and immediately sank yourself into the sofa.
Seung Ho hung his keys by the entrance and leaned on the doorframe, amused at how quickly you adapted to his home. "I was about to say 'make yourself at home', but I guess I didn't have to."
Grinning at him, you pat the empty space next to you. "Tell me about you." He did not bother hiding the surprise on his face, but complied nonetheless.
"I'm a university student, studying majoring in music and minoring in acting. I work part-time at a computer shop down the road, I'm totally single and very available." He did a little bow, and joined you on the sofa as you giggled. "What about you? You won't tell me your name, what about where you're from?"
"It's a secret."
"Is it near, far?"
"A bit of both."
"You're from here, but moved away?"
Taking a few seconds to ponder, you settled on answering ambiguously. "Not really."
"Ahh, you're such a mysterious girl." He gave up, ruffling his hair in frustration.
Blinking, you touched his cheek. "You don't like it?"
"I love it." He breathed, moving his face so that your fingers were on his lips instead. They were soft and warm - just like you remembered. When you slid your thumb across his lower lid, he closed his eyes, resisting the urge to lean further into your touch.
"Seung Ho, what type of girls do you like?" You whispered, tracing from his lips to his ears, and then down his neck. "
"Mmm, I like many types of girls - but I can tell you which kind I don't like." He shivered when your fingers stopped moving, and reached out to pull you closer to him. With your body pressed against his, you could feel both your accelerated heartbeats. "I don't like girls who won't tell me their names."
You smiled, hoping it would not falter due to the amazingly short distance between your face and his and whispered "I thought you said you liked - no, loved - mysterious girls?"
Pushing himself forward just a little bit, the tip of his nose touched yours. "I do, but it doesn't change the fact that I want a proper name to call them by."
"What's wrong with not knowing their name?" You almost stuttered at the last word, it reminded you of how crazy Seung Ho made you - especially when he was this close to you.
"You know how there are times when you want to call out to someone? Perhaps to call them over, to stop them from leaving, to tell them how much they mean to you? I want to know your name, just in case." As his explaination ended, he closed his eyes and inhaled, letting a smile tug at his lips. "You smell nice. You smell like cherry blossoms."
"It's spring after all." You pointed out, yet smiling at the little things he noticed.
"Indeed it is." His breath tickled your lips, and it made every passing second harder to resist leaning forward to press them onto his. "And you know what they say, spring always brings about a new romance."
"Or perhaps an old one."
You bit your lip at the unintended reply.
"What do you mean?"
"Well, some things can be rekindled, right? Just like how the seasons go and come."
"Yes, I suppose that is one way to look at it." His voice then took on a slightly impatient tone. You know, I have to ask you to excuse me."
"Oh! Whatever for?" You moved back so he could move, but he caught you before you moved far.
"For this."
For the kiss he gave you.
The kiss that reminded you of a year ago.
Under the cherry blossom tree in the park.
The kiss that soon resulted into a pile of discarded clothes on the floor,
a tangle of familiar but new touches and scents,
many whispers of sweet nothings,
and his name,
but never yours,
because he should not remember.
Monday, April 9, 2012
How Are You { first }
Opening the doors of the noisy bar, you slipped inside.
Finding a secluded corner at the counter, you asked the bartender for a drink. "Anything will do. Anything to keep the night alive."
Humans were such interesting creatures, you mused as you looked around.
A year ago, the place looked totally different.
The crowd was different, the decorations were different, the music was different.
Some things changed so easily, but some never did.
The need to entertain themselves, the need to mingle and socialize, the need to have a partner.
You face scrunched into an expression of annoyance as a man made his way towards you.
His eyes were full of lust, his breath stinking of alcohol, his fingers twitching with anticipation.
It seemed like tonight was not your night.
"Hey there, can I buy you a drink?" He sat himself beside you, hand reaching out to touch your shoulder. Evading his finger, you shook your head.
"No thanks." Polite replies never managed to chase them away.
"Why not? Are you alone?" His hands reached out for you again.
"Sorry, but she's with me." Another pair of hands rested on your shoulders. You stiffened at the smell of a familiar cologne.
Turning around, you tried to hide your surprise at the familiar handsome figure that stood before you.
Could it be him?
Were you just hallucinating?
"Dude, she doesn't look like she knows ya. Move aside." The other man stood up, batting the hands on your shoulders away.
The cheery smile from the handsome man's face faded into an irritated pout. "Does it matter even if she doesn't? She doesn't seem like she wants to hang out with you, either."
A frustrated groan was heard, and soon fists were clashing, punches were thrown, kicks were delivered and chairs were flying across the bar.
Amidst the chaos, a hand found yours and led you outside.
"Are you alright?" He laughed.
The familiar ring of his voice made your heart tighten.
How long you have waited to hear it once more.
"I am, somewhat thanks to you, somewhat not." You glanced at the ongoing fight in the bar.
He stuck his tongue out for a moment, not really guilty for causing a ruckus. "I'm Seung Ho. You are?"
"Hi Seung Ho, I'm..." A quiet whisper echoed in wind, and you shook your head. "No, it doesn't matter."
"Huh? Why not? What do I call you then?" He looked disappointed.
"If we meet again, maybe I'll tell you."
Pondering your proposition for a moment, he nodded. "So, where to next?" He grinned.
Your heart fluttered.
"Where to?"
"Yeah. I want to spend the night with you. Know you more. Something about you intrigues me."
Giggling at his earnest reply, you shrugged. "Anywhere is fine. My fate is in your hands."
"Awesome." His eyes twinkled. "My place then! No refusing - after all, you said your fate is in my hands."
You nodded, letting his fingers intertwine with yours, letting him guide you to his car - even though you knew your fate was not in his hands.
It had already been decided, ever since you met him a year ago.
Finding a secluded corner at the counter, you asked the bartender for a drink. "Anything will do. Anything to keep the night alive."
Humans were such interesting creatures, you mused as you looked around.
A year ago, the place looked totally different.
The crowd was different, the decorations were different, the music was different.
Some things changed so easily, but some never did.
The need to entertain themselves, the need to mingle and socialize, the need to have a partner.
You face scrunched into an expression of annoyance as a man made his way towards you.
His eyes were full of lust, his breath stinking of alcohol, his fingers twitching with anticipation.
It seemed like tonight was not your night.
"Hey there, can I buy you a drink?" He sat himself beside you, hand reaching out to touch your shoulder. Evading his finger, you shook your head.
"No thanks." Polite replies never managed to chase them away.
"Why not? Are you alone?" His hands reached out for you again.
"Sorry, but she's with me." Another pair of hands rested on your shoulders. You stiffened at the smell of a familiar cologne.
Turning around, you tried to hide your surprise at the familiar handsome figure that stood before you.
Could it be him?
Were you just hallucinating?
"Dude, she doesn't look like she knows ya. Move aside." The other man stood up, batting the hands on your shoulders away.
The cheery smile from the handsome man's face faded into an irritated pout. "Does it matter even if she doesn't? She doesn't seem like she wants to hang out with you, either."
A frustrated groan was heard, and soon fists were clashing, punches were thrown, kicks were delivered and chairs were flying across the bar.
Amidst the chaos, a hand found yours and led you outside.
"Are you alright?" He laughed.
The familiar ring of his voice made your heart tighten.
How long you have waited to hear it once more.
"I am, somewhat thanks to you, somewhat not." You glanced at the ongoing fight in the bar.
He stuck his tongue out for a moment, not really guilty for causing a ruckus. "I'm Seung Ho. You are?"
"Hi Seung Ho, I'm..." A quiet whisper echoed in wind, and you shook your head. "No, it doesn't matter."
"Huh? Why not? What do I call you then?" He looked disappointed.
"If we meet again, maybe I'll tell you."
Pondering your proposition for a moment, he nodded. "So, where to next?" He grinned.
Your heart fluttered.
"Where to?"
"Yeah. I want to spend the night with you. Know you more. Something about you intrigues me."
Giggling at his earnest reply, you shrugged. "Anywhere is fine. My fate is in your hands."
"Awesome." His eyes twinkled. "My place then! No refusing - after all, you said your fate is in my hands."
You nodded, letting his fingers intertwine with yours, letting him guide you to his car - even though you knew your fate was not in his hands.
It had already been decided, ever since you met him a year ago.
How Are You { prologue }
Perhaps in another world, another time - our hands are intertwined.
A familiar street, familiar sights, distant memories.
A year ago, you held his hand.
A year ago, he smiled when you pointed at the litter of new-born kittens under the tree.
A year ago, he kissed you in the dim lights of the park.
A year ago, you both parted ways.
"Seung Ho." You whispered to no one.
"I wonder how you're doing?"
Monday, April 2, 2012
That Place By The Sea ~ 07
07 ~ towards the deep
~~*~~
"Wake up, Seung Ho! Wake up, please!" You shook the unconscious figure. When you woke up today, you found yourself at the beach, in Seung Ho's arms.
As much as you wanted to stay in his embrace longer, the fact that you did not wake up in bed freaked you out. Instead of greeting Seung Ho when his eyes opened, you asked him what happened.
"Gosh, it's morning already!" He sat up immediately, arms automatically moving to pull you close. "Let's get you away from here." He said darkly, moving to stand up. You followed, only to feel your legs giving way. "Uh oh."
Instead of legs, your tail was seen. "Was I - did I come out here at night again?"
Seung Ho nodded, his dark eye circles extra prominent today. "You sat here singing, all night long."
Stuttering, choking, coughing, you asked to confirm his words. "I was singing? I... I don't sing."
"You did last night. It was beautiful." Despite his sleep-laced voice, he smiled at the memory of your songs.
"So you sat here listening to me?"
"I had to keep an eye on you in case you decided to go for a swim and never come back."
"I'm a mermaid, Seung Ho." You paused for a moment, thinking how surreal it was to say those words. "I won't drown."
"You might never come back." He pointed out bitterly, hand suddenly moving to hold yours. "I don't know - we, don't know what's happening besides the fact that you're a mermaid. I don't want to risk you going out there where I can't go - and losing you."
"Don't say things like that, Seung Ho. I might misunderstand and think it's a confession." You smirked, hoping he did not notice you were shivering.
Seung Ho's eyes widened slightly at your words, his lips parting as if to say something - then closing again to curve into a smile. "Let's get you home."
Taking a look at your tail, you pouted. "Please let me have my legs back for awhile." You pleaded to it, not really knowing what you were doing. Immediately, the scales started melding into each other, into a transparent layer - and you soon saw your legs again.
Grinning, you looked to Seung Ho for a confirmation if what happened was not just your imagination. He gave you a thumbs up and offered a hand to help you up.
Your legs felt like jelly, but at least - they were legs. Now that you could at least change them back by will (or at least you hoped it was not just pure luck), things were starting to look up.
~~*~~
"Explain to me again why we're here?" Seung Ho whispered, trying to keep up with you as you moved through the many aisles of books.
"I remember reading about mermaid legends of this town." You answered, and stopped abruptly at one of the aisles. "There - all the books about folklore and mermaid I could ever need."
Pulling out a handful of books, you handed them to Seung Ho and took another handful. Heading to a table nearby, the two of you spent the entire afternoon with your heads buried in books.
Occasionally, you would return a book to the shelf and bring more back with you. Seung Ho would roll his eyes, and you would stick your tongue out at him. You felt so comfortable with and around him, it made you think that: even if this whole mermaid business went wrong, you would be contented with the amount of time you got to spend with Seung Ho.
~~*~~
"Look, look." Seung Ho tapped your shoulder and pointed to a page he was reading. "It says that there are mermaids who are able to walk on land - but they're born out of taboo - wow, there's taboos in the Merhuman-verse?"
You looked at Seung Ho, not sure whether to laugh or to be serious with the terms he used. "I wonder how come I have legs now then. If I was born with a tail, I would not be part of that taboo - oh, bother, what else does it say? Anything about dead mermaids who come back to life?"
"No, but it does say that they don't die of natural death."
"Really? They're immortal?"
"In a sense. They don't age at all after reaching a certain age, and only die if they are killed by other mermaids or themselves."
Pausing for a moment, you mused over Maris' story about you committing suicide. If you had done it - did that mean you wanted to die really badly? Or were you forced to do so? "What else, what else?" Your eyes scanned the pages.
Seung Ho laughed at your impatience, at how you tapped your feet repeatedly and inched closer towards him and the book. "Hey." He whispered, turning to look into your eyes.
"Hmmm?" You were trying to see what else the book had to offer, and did not notice how close your face was to his. When you finally realized, it was when Seung Ho's lips were touching yours.
It was subtle and quick, almost like it never happened.
Moving closer, you whispered in his ear. "Did you just kiss me at a public library?"
"It was the only way to pull you back into the human world - my world."
"Yo - you're not making sense." Flustered, you grabbed the book from him and read it upright, so that he could not see your face.
He pulled it away from you, letting out a small sigh. "I know you want to know about your past, so do I, really. But I don't want to lose you in all that curiosity. As much as I want the meet the mermaid I once knew - I like you as you are now, regardless of whether you remember being her or not. I don't want to lose you like I lost her."
"You like me?" You teased.
"As you are now." He corrected your implied assumption.
"Thanks, Seung Ho. Nothing better for a fan to hear than to know her idol's got her back. But I want to get to the bottom of this all. All these weird late-night-sea-trips are freaking me out."
"And so we will get to the bottom of it, but relax a bit. When you lean over so close, I can't concentrate on reading."
"Aww, why not?" You tried hard not to grin. "Am I that distracting?" Fluttering your lashes, you giggled.
"Do that again and you'll regret it." Seung Ho warned teasingly. Grabbing the book, he resumed his reading. "Let finish going through this book."
"Is there anything inside that mentions if mermaids were evil?"
Seung Ho gave you a weird look. "Not really, although mermaids are often mistaken for the sirens who sang to lure sailors to their deaths."
"Where am I going to get more answers?" You sighed. Flipping another book open and scanning through paragraph after paragraph of text.
Your eyes spotted the mentions of mermaid taboos, and you read through the paragraph properly - even though your heart was thumping louder than usual.
'There are legends of children born of a mermaid and a human. They are exceptionally beautiful, yet never really belong to the sea or the land. If the child was born in the water, the child would have a tail. If on land, a pair of legs.
When the child reaches a certain age, legs would turn to tail, and tail to legs when needed.
Despite having both the ability to be on land and underwater, a child of such parentage would sought after both the land and the sea - but could never fully find his place in either world.'
You flipped to the back to see who the author of the book was, to write of such things - but there was no name. Strange.
Regardless, it was the first time you had reach such stories, and continued scanning the pages.
'There have been many accounts of merfolk who have appeared on land. They have been known to walk amongst humans out of curiosity, sometimes out of amusement.
Like how humans have been fascinated by these water-dwellers, there are legends of merfolk who were obsessed with humans as well.'
~~*~~
"Are you... conscious?" Seung Ho waved his hand in front of your face.
"Oh! Hi. Sorry I didn't see you - and yes, I am." You smiled. "You came out to check if I was going to sleep walk again, didn't you?"
"Every night since I met you." He confessed. "In fact, I'm so used to you walking blindly into the water or singing, like last night - I'm quite shocked to see you so normal."
You both laughed at the irony. "So, what brings you out here? I thought the beach is off limits?"
"I've been thinking." You drew circles in the sand with your toes, your slippers left unattended a few feet behind.
"What about?" Seung Ho kicked sand over to your toes, blurring out the circles you had drawn. Then reached out to hold your hand. You turned to look at him, wondering what brought about the sudden action. "Just in case you're about to run off without warning." He mumbled, not looking at you.
Smiling, you explained that you would rather explore the sea than to wait for answers. "I want to meet the mermaid who claimed to be my sister - or any mermaid. I want to ask them what they know about this... about me."
"Wouldn't that be dangerous? According to your aunt, you committed suicide, and revived you - I can't think of many reasons one would want to leave the world. If you were unhappy then, are you sure you want to go back now?"
"If I had a reason to cease existing then, I think I would choose the same now. I can't stand running away from it - whether it's the truth, or just knowing about myself. I don't think I chose to be reborn, especially if I knew that the sea would always call me back." You confessed confidently, even though you were actually afraid and worried about leaving.
For someone who did not have much in the world, it was easy to make decisions like this - but there was Maris, and Seung Ho. Now, more than before - you wanted to be with him. To talk to him, listen to his musings, hear his laugh, know more of his mysterious yet charming self.
Now, more than before - you could never tell him how much he meant to you. Not when you had already decided to throw everything aside.
"I'd be really sad if you were gone." Seung Ho confessed, still not looking at you.
Laughing weakly, you mentioned that his holiday would have to end anyway, and he would be the one leaving then.
"At least then, I know I can visit. I'd know we're living under the same sky. I'd know there's someone out there cheering me on as Yang Seung Ho from MBLAQ."
Tip-toeing to place a fast kiss on his cheek, you assured him that no matter what happened from now on - you would be cheering for him - not just because of MBLAQ, but because if who he was.
"Is there no changing your mind?" He asked hastily, grip on your hand tightening.
"Until I find out the truth, no."
"Have you told your aunt?"
"I left her a letter."
"What? Shouldn't you tell her properly? Maybe then she would answer your questions, maybe then -" His words were cut short when you gave him a sudden embrace. Breathing in his scent, you told him not to worry. "I've already made up my mind. Don't make it so hard to leave, Seung Ho." You half-pleaded.
"I like you. I really do. I wish you could stay. I want you to stay." His arms tightened around you.
"Please, Seung Ho." I like you too. I wish I could stay with you. "I think I should leave now."
"Is this farewell?" Seung Ho reluctantly released his arms. You did not have to look at him to know he was crying. There was so much pain and bitterness in his voice - you could not bear to look at him.
"Can I tell myself it's not? That it's just a temporary goodbye, like how I tell my friends at school goodbye, and see you tomorrow?"
"Do your friends know about this?"
"I've told Aunt Maris what to tell them in my absence." You stifled a sob.
"Stay. Please." Seung Ho grabbed your shoulders, now - finally - looking into your eyes with his tear-filled ones.
"I will, when - if I see you again. Why are you holding onto someone who doesn't know who she is?"
"Because it hurts to see her go. It has nothing to do with who she really is."
"I hope not." You forced a grin. "Let me go, Seung Ho. Your grip is hurting me." Your tears are breaking my heart.
"I'll see you, when I see you." You took a step back when his grip on you softened. Touching his fingers, you closed your eyes for a moment - wondering if you would regret, wondering if you should stay and forever be haunted by the mysteries of your past.
No. Your heart said no, your mind said no.
Remembering the touch of your skin on his, his beautiful eyes - and trying not to remember the anger and sadness in them - you whispered goodbye and dived into the sea.
~~*~~
"Wake up, Seung Ho! Wake up, please!" You shook the unconscious figure. When you woke up today, you found yourself at the beach, in Seung Ho's arms.
As much as you wanted to stay in his embrace longer, the fact that you did not wake up in bed freaked you out. Instead of greeting Seung Ho when his eyes opened, you asked him what happened.
"Gosh, it's morning already!" He sat up immediately, arms automatically moving to pull you close. "Let's get you away from here." He said darkly, moving to stand up. You followed, only to feel your legs giving way. "Uh oh."
Instead of legs, your tail was seen. "Was I - did I come out here at night again?"
Seung Ho nodded, his dark eye circles extra prominent today. "You sat here singing, all night long."
Stuttering, choking, coughing, you asked to confirm his words. "I was singing? I... I don't sing."
"You did last night. It was beautiful." Despite his sleep-laced voice, he smiled at the memory of your songs.
"So you sat here listening to me?"
"I had to keep an eye on you in case you decided to go for a swim and never come back."
"I'm a mermaid, Seung Ho." You paused for a moment, thinking how surreal it was to say those words. "I won't drown."
"You might never come back." He pointed out bitterly, hand suddenly moving to hold yours. "I don't know - we, don't know what's happening besides the fact that you're a mermaid. I don't want to risk you going out there where I can't go - and losing you."
"Don't say things like that, Seung Ho. I might misunderstand and think it's a confession." You smirked, hoping he did not notice you were shivering.
Seung Ho's eyes widened slightly at your words, his lips parting as if to say something - then closing again to curve into a smile. "Let's get you home."
Taking a look at your tail, you pouted. "Please let me have my legs back for awhile." You pleaded to it, not really knowing what you were doing. Immediately, the scales started melding into each other, into a transparent layer - and you soon saw your legs again.
Grinning, you looked to Seung Ho for a confirmation if what happened was not just your imagination. He gave you a thumbs up and offered a hand to help you up.
Your legs felt like jelly, but at least - they were legs. Now that you could at least change them back by will (or at least you hoped it was not just pure luck), things were starting to look up.
~~*~~
"Explain to me again why we're here?" Seung Ho whispered, trying to keep up with you as you moved through the many aisles of books.
"I remember reading about mermaid legends of this town." You answered, and stopped abruptly at one of the aisles. "There - all the books about folklore and mermaid I could ever need."
Pulling out a handful of books, you handed them to Seung Ho and took another handful. Heading to a table nearby, the two of you spent the entire afternoon with your heads buried in books.
Occasionally, you would return a book to the shelf and bring more back with you. Seung Ho would roll his eyes, and you would stick your tongue out at him. You felt so comfortable with and around him, it made you think that: even if this whole mermaid business went wrong, you would be contented with the amount of time you got to spend with Seung Ho.
~~*~~
"Look, look." Seung Ho tapped your shoulder and pointed to a page he was reading. "It says that there are mermaids who are able to walk on land - but they're born out of taboo - wow, there's taboos in the Merhuman-verse?"
You looked at Seung Ho, not sure whether to laugh or to be serious with the terms he used. "I wonder how come I have legs now then. If I was born with a tail, I would not be part of that taboo - oh, bother, what else does it say? Anything about dead mermaids who come back to life?"
"No, but it does say that they don't die of natural death."
"Really? They're immortal?"
"In a sense. They don't age at all after reaching a certain age, and only die if they are killed by other mermaids or themselves."
Pausing for a moment, you mused over Maris' story about you committing suicide. If you had done it - did that mean you wanted to die really badly? Or were you forced to do so? "What else, what else?" Your eyes scanned the pages.
Seung Ho laughed at your impatience, at how you tapped your feet repeatedly and inched closer towards him and the book. "Hey." He whispered, turning to look into your eyes.
"Hmmm?" You were trying to see what else the book had to offer, and did not notice how close your face was to his. When you finally realized, it was when Seung Ho's lips were touching yours.
It was subtle and quick, almost like it never happened.
Moving closer, you whispered in his ear. "Did you just kiss me at a public library?"
"It was the only way to pull you back into the human world - my world."
"Yo - you're not making sense." Flustered, you grabbed the book from him and read it upright, so that he could not see your face.
He pulled it away from you, letting out a small sigh. "I know you want to know about your past, so do I, really. But I don't want to lose you in all that curiosity. As much as I want the meet the mermaid I once knew - I like you as you are now, regardless of whether you remember being her or not. I don't want to lose you like I lost her."
"You like me?" You teased.
"As you are now." He corrected your implied assumption.
"Thanks, Seung Ho. Nothing better for a fan to hear than to know her idol's got her back. But I want to get to the bottom of this all. All these weird late-night-sea-trips are freaking me out."
"And so we will get to the bottom of it, but relax a bit. When you lean over so close, I can't concentrate on reading."
"Aww, why not?" You tried hard not to grin. "Am I that distracting?" Fluttering your lashes, you giggled.
"Do that again and you'll regret it." Seung Ho warned teasingly. Grabbing the book, he resumed his reading. "Let finish going through this book."
"Is there anything inside that mentions if mermaids were evil?"
Seung Ho gave you a weird look. "Not really, although mermaids are often mistaken for the sirens who sang to lure sailors to their deaths."
"Where am I going to get more answers?" You sighed. Flipping another book open and scanning through paragraph after paragraph of text.
Your eyes spotted the mentions of mermaid taboos, and you read through the paragraph properly - even though your heart was thumping louder than usual.
'There are legends of children born of a mermaid and a human. They are exceptionally beautiful, yet never really belong to the sea or the land. If the child was born in the water, the child would have a tail. If on land, a pair of legs.
When the child reaches a certain age, legs would turn to tail, and tail to legs when needed.
Despite having both the ability to be on land and underwater, a child of such parentage would sought after both the land and the sea - but could never fully find his place in either world.'
You flipped to the back to see who the author of the book was, to write of such things - but there was no name. Strange.
Regardless, it was the first time you had reach such stories, and continued scanning the pages.
'There have been many accounts of merfolk who have appeared on land. They have been known to walk amongst humans out of curiosity, sometimes out of amusement.
Like how humans have been fascinated by these water-dwellers, there are legends of merfolk who were obsessed with humans as well.'
~~*~~
"Are you... conscious?" Seung Ho waved his hand in front of your face.
"Oh! Hi. Sorry I didn't see you - and yes, I am." You smiled. "You came out to check if I was going to sleep walk again, didn't you?"
"Every night since I met you." He confessed. "In fact, I'm so used to you walking blindly into the water or singing, like last night - I'm quite shocked to see you so normal."
You both laughed at the irony. "So, what brings you out here? I thought the beach is off limits?"
"I've been thinking." You drew circles in the sand with your toes, your slippers left unattended a few feet behind.
"What about?" Seung Ho kicked sand over to your toes, blurring out the circles you had drawn. Then reached out to hold your hand. You turned to look at him, wondering what brought about the sudden action. "Just in case you're about to run off without warning." He mumbled, not looking at you.
Smiling, you explained that you would rather explore the sea than to wait for answers. "I want to meet the mermaid who claimed to be my sister - or any mermaid. I want to ask them what they know about this... about me."
"Wouldn't that be dangerous? According to your aunt, you committed suicide, and revived you - I can't think of many reasons one would want to leave the world. If you were unhappy then, are you sure you want to go back now?"
"If I had a reason to cease existing then, I think I would choose the same now. I can't stand running away from it - whether it's the truth, or just knowing about myself. I don't think I chose to be reborn, especially if I knew that the sea would always call me back." You confessed confidently, even though you were actually afraid and worried about leaving.
For someone who did not have much in the world, it was easy to make decisions like this - but there was Maris, and Seung Ho. Now, more than before - you wanted to be with him. To talk to him, listen to his musings, hear his laugh, know more of his mysterious yet charming self.
Now, more than before - you could never tell him how much he meant to you. Not when you had already decided to throw everything aside.
"I'd be really sad if you were gone." Seung Ho confessed, still not looking at you.
Laughing weakly, you mentioned that his holiday would have to end anyway, and he would be the one leaving then.
"At least then, I know I can visit. I'd know we're living under the same sky. I'd know there's someone out there cheering me on as Yang Seung Ho from MBLAQ."
Tip-toeing to place a fast kiss on his cheek, you assured him that no matter what happened from now on - you would be cheering for him - not just because of MBLAQ, but because if who he was.
"Is there no changing your mind?" He asked hastily, grip on your hand tightening.
"Until I find out the truth, no."
"Have you told your aunt?"
"I left her a letter."
"What? Shouldn't you tell her properly? Maybe then she would answer your questions, maybe then -" His words were cut short when you gave him a sudden embrace. Breathing in his scent, you told him not to worry. "I've already made up my mind. Don't make it so hard to leave, Seung Ho." You half-pleaded.
"I like you. I really do. I wish you could stay. I want you to stay." His arms tightened around you.
"Please, Seung Ho." I like you too. I wish I could stay with you. "I think I should leave now."
"Is this farewell?" Seung Ho reluctantly released his arms. You did not have to look at him to know he was crying. There was so much pain and bitterness in his voice - you could not bear to look at him.
"Can I tell myself it's not? That it's just a temporary goodbye, like how I tell my friends at school goodbye, and see you tomorrow?"
"Do your friends know about this?"
"I've told Aunt Maris what to tell them in my absence." You stifled a sob.
"Stay. Please." Seung Ho grabbed your shoulders, now - finally - looking into your eyes with his tear-filled ones.
"I will, when - if I see you again. Why are you holding onto someone who doesn't know who she is?"
"Because it hurts to see her go. It has nothing to do with who she really is."
"I hope not." You forced a grin. "Let me go, Seung Ho. Your grip is hurting me." Your tears are breaking my heart.
"I'll see you, when I see you." You took a step back when his grip on you softened. Touching his fingers, you closed your eyes for a moment - wondering if you would regret, wondering if you should stay and forever be haunted by the mysteries of your past.
No. Your heart said no, your mind said no.
Remembering the touch of your skin on his, his beautiful eyes - and trying not to remember the anger and sadness in them - you whispered goodbye and dived into the sea.
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